The Æsir, or Norse warrior gods, were one of two groups in which the ancient peoples of Norseland believed. The others were called the Vanir, or wuss-gods, and their domain was agriculture and home life. The Æsir are the gods most people think of when speaking of Norseish mythology. These include Odin, Freya, Frigg, Thor, Balder, Sif, Kilik, Voldo, Sophitia, and Nightmare (we will speak of each god and goddess individually later). All of these gods lived in a realm called Asgard (think Olympus with lots and lots of mead and swords).
According to myth, the Æsir and Vanir fought a long war that began when the Æsir caught and tortured the Vanir goddess Gullveig. The Vanir decided to fight back, like nerds in a nerds vs. cool kids movie. The Æsir banished those hippie bastards to the Greek pantheon, where they'd be appreciated.
It is said that the Æsir will be destroyed at Ragnarok, the battle at the end of the world. At this time, the frost giants and other monsters will fight to the death with the Æsir, and everything will be destroyed, including pokemon. Because god(s) knows nothing else seems to [Editor's note: Wow, this dates the piece considerably].
Individual gods and/or goddesses:
- Odin: Leader of the Æsir. Husband of Frigg. Enjoyed long walks in the park and blindness. Had two ravens, Hgumminninumininminmiunnunm (Thought) and Muningngingmmmininiiinniiiiiiiiiinnniiiiin (Memory) to help him see. He, along with his two brothers created the first humans. Often depicted as a tall, old man with one eye, like a pirate. He was god of basically everything that the other gods and goddesses didn't handle, so it fell on him to rule the earth, the sea, death, war, wisdom, poetry, sausages, millipedes, and pants. Had an eight-legged horse named "Slippery." I'm really not kidding about the last one.
- Frigg: Wife to Odin and sky-goddess. Dressed in hawk's plumage and S&M gear (Odin really liked it kinky). She is known for enchanting her son, Balder, so he couldn't be killed by anything. Then she forgot to enchant him against a mistletoe sprig. That killed him. Stupid Balder.
- Thor: Son to Odin, comic book hero. Thunder god. Stupid, but had red hair and beard, so he can't be all bad. Strongest of the gods. Was carried to battle by a wagon drawn by two flying goats (I don't even have to try with these guys).
- Balder: Not to be confused with "Baldur" of gate fame. Killed by a sprig of mistletoe (see above). Stupid Balder.
- Loki: Blood brother of Odin. Son of Giants. Trickster and god of fire. Loved him the women. My favorite Norseishese god.
- Freya: Goddess of love, beauty, fertility. Named after Friday, the most loved day of the week. She was called she-goat a lot, because she had sex all the fucking time. I guess she goats have sex all the fucking time, or something.
- Sif: Goddess of grain and karaoke. Wife of Thor. Not all that interesting.
- Tyr: Son of Odin and Frigg, god of war. Once at thirty-three hot dogs in a contest.
There you have it: the Æsir, kick-ass gods and goddesses who didn't take shit from no one. Just like Shaft. Damn, I wish I were just like Shaft!
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