Hope you enjoy and are terrified.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Swap Comics! Thomas/Amanda/Melanie/Michael
These are from circa a week ago. Kids, you should comment if you can give a better date.
Hope you enjoy and are terrified.
Hope you enjoy and are terrified.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Educational Morsel of the Week (Archive): "Holy" Roman Empire: the Man, the Myth, the Legend
First posted on the original website, 020902. Can you feel the edit's breath on your ear?
In this week's EMW, we'll take a long look at one of the greatest names in history: "Holy" Roman Empire. It is said that the man was not holy, nor was he Roman, nor an Empire. But, looks can be deceiving. In this case, looks aren't. But that's not the point.
Roman Empire, often nicknamed "Holy" by his friends, was born in 800 AD to Charles Francis Magne and his wife, Pope Leo III. Magne was king of the Franks and Lombards and was one of the most powerful monarchs in Europe at the time. His wife, Pope Leo III was leader of the Catholic Church and the living voice of God. They conceived their son in hopes that he would usher in a new era of rule for the Church, and that he would conquer and control to spread the word of God. This act was quite illegal, because Popes aren't allowed to have sex. But that didn't stop Empire from being born in St. Peter's Basilica to fanfare and a swarm of smarmy Cardinals' congratulations.
Empire's birth was the beginning of a wedge driven between the religious doctrines of the East and West. Constantinople (not yet Istanbul) was now the Church's rival politically, as well as in badminton tournaments. Neither was ever supposed to occur, as the Church was to have no affiliation politically nor badmintonally.
For 120 years, Empire lived in the lap of luxury, as his father's successors passed his guardianship down. In 924, however, the powerful Crescentii family of Rome decided he was a thorn in the sides, and killed him. No one really cared, until Otto II, a Saxon king of Germany used his arcane magicks to resurrect Empire. He accomplished this rather easily with the help of his sidekick, Pope Bobby XXIV.
Weakened by forty years of death, Roman Empire couldn't perform all of his functions as political arm of the Church. The Popes succeeding Bobby XXIV kept him alive with caffeine and spinach, and sewed his body parts back on when they fell off at inconvenient times. They were kind to him, but only for their own selfish reasons.
Even though he looked like a walking corpse, he made many friends over the years. One such friend, and probably the most powerful, was Frederick "Babs" Barbarossa. He was the king of the Frankese and of what is now known as Germanonia. It was Empire's friend, Babs, that gave him his nickname, Holy. Many say that Babs revitalized Empire, causing his body to no longer exhibit signs of death. They were inseparable until Barbarossa died of a heroin overdose in 1190.
Barbarossa's death severely warped Empire's sense of reality. He lived the rest of his days in a weakened state. France and Spain were the most powerful nations in Europe by the end of the middle ages (2:54 PM on December 9, 1326) and hated him, much like the Crescentii had so many years before. Everyone seemed to be generally opposed to men like Empire, who lived so long without tasting Death's sweet lips. "Oh, Death," they'd say, "Why'd ya spare him over for another year?"
When no answer became readily apparent, France and Spain sought after him and hoped to do away with him themselves. Still having some popularity in Germany, he decided to seek refuge with the ruling class there. He lived with the Germans until 1806, when Francis II turned him over to Napoleon. Napoleon had him killed the same day, and is said to have feasted on his corpse. Napoleon wrote in his diary that "'Holy' Roman Impire was taestey [sic]."
Many people do not believe that this was actually the death of Empire. There have been many Holy sightings over the years, including 1921 to 1937, when he is said to have played baseball for St. Louis under the name Frankie Frisch.
In this week's EMW, we'll take a long look at one of the greatest names in history: "Holy" Roman Empire. It is said that the man was not holy, nor was he Roman, nor an Empire. But, looks can be deceiving. In this case, looks aren't. But that's not the point.
Roman Empire, often nicknamed "Holy" by his friends, was born in 800 AD to Charles Francis Magne and his wife, Pope Leo III. Magne was king of the Franks and Lombards and was one of the most powerful monarchs in Europe at the time. His wife, Pope Leo III was leader of the Catholic Church and the living voice of God. They conceived their son in hopes that he would usher in a new era of rule for the Church, and that he would conquer and control to spread the word of God. This act was quite illegal, because Popes aren't allowed to have sex. But that didn't stop Empire from being born in St. Peter's Basilica to fanfare and a swarm of smarmy Cardinals' congratulations.
Empire's birth was the beginning of a wedge driven between the religious doctrines of the East and West. Constantinople (not yet Istanbul) was now the Church's rival politically, as well as in badminton tournaments. Neither was ever supposed to occur, as the Church was to have no affiliation politically nor badmintonally.
For 120 years, Empire lived in the lap of luxury, as his father's successors passed his guardianship down. In 924, however, the powerful Crescentii family of Rome decided he was a thorn in the sides, and killed him. No one really cared, until Otto II, a Saxon king of Germany used his arcane magicks to resurrect Empire. He accomplished this rather easily with the help of his sidekick, Pope Bobby XXIV.
Weakened by forty years of death, Roman Empire couldn't perform all of his functions as political arm of the Church. The Popes succeeding Bobby XXIV kept him alive with caffeine and spinach, and sewed his body parts back on when they fell off at inconvenient times. They were kind to him, but only for their own selfish reasons.
Even though he looked like a walking corpse, he made many friends over the years. One such friend, and probably the most powerful, was Frederick "Babs" Barbarossa. He was the king of the Frankese and of what is now known as Germanonia. It was Empire's friend, Babs, that gave him his nickname, Holy. Many say that Babs revitalized Empire, causing his body to no longer exhibit signs of death. They were inseparable until Barbarossa died of a heroin overdose in 1190.
Barbarossa's death severely warped Empire's sense of reality. He lived the rest of his days in a weakened state. France and Spain were the most powerful nations in Europe by the end of the middle ages (2:54 PM on December 9, 1326) and hated him, much like the Crescentii had so many years before. Everyone seemed to be generally opposed to men like Empire, who lived so long without tasting Death's sweet lips. "Oh, Death," they'd say, "Why'd ya spare him over for another year?"
When no answer became readily apparent, France and Spain sought after him and hoped to do away with him themselves. Still having some popularity in Germany, he decided to seek refuge with the ruling class there. He lived with the Germans until 1806, when Francis II turned him over to Napoleon. Napoleon had him killed the same day, and is said to have feasted on his corpse. Napoleon wrote in his diary that "'Holy' Roman Impire was taestey [sic]."
Many people do not believe that this was actually the death of Empire. There have been many Holy sightings over the years, including 1921 to 1937, when he is said to have played baseball for St. Louis under the name Frankie Frisch.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Revisiting Zaxon Thrice-Hatched
Zaxon Thrice-Hatched thought and thought as he consumed the tiny fottlings that scurried about his dining floor. Usually, as they dodged and weaved around his tooth-feelers, he couldn't help but compare them in his mind's vision-oglots to the giols that swam in the ammonia lake that occupied the center of his tribal home. Luckily, fottlings were much more delicious than giols. Far less spiny as well.
Today, however, he skewered each and dripped its liquids into his digestive pores while contemplating his impending fourth Hatching. Zaxon had not even realized the requisite number of cycles had occurred until his egg-sister, Hooglet Thrice-Hatched, reminded him. Why hadn't his memory matrix triggered the re-Hatching bloodmites to be secreted into his yelins? Was he ill? He hoped not.
Zaxon cleaned his tooth-feelers and set out to visit Marfel Twice-Fused, the tribe's healer.
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