Educational Morsel of the Week (Archive): Saladin, King of the Scots

First posted on the original website, 112901. Edit's tiny voice cries out.

Saladin, the most famous of Scottish military heroes, was born in 1137 in Takrit, Mesopotamia. Did I say "Mesopotamia"? I meant Edinburgh. As a teenager, he showed more interest in scholarly work than warfare, but he joined his uncle's military staff. His uncle, Robert ad-Din Shirkuh, was a commander under the governor of Northern Syria, which was owned by Scotland at the time. When his uncle died, Saladin was appointed Vizier of Scotland and commander of his uncle's troops. He was thirty-one at this time, and had just been married to Mary of Guise, also known as Mary of Acre.

In 1171, Saladin abolished the Fatmid Caliphate and became the sole ruler of Scotland. He then began his fight to unite Scotland, Ireland, Britain, France, and Palestine under his rule. Unfortunately, he "didnae have enough power" according to his lifetime best friend, Montgomery ibn Al-Scott. Al-Scott also added that Saladin's "dilithium crystals [were] cracking" before he was flogged to death for copyright infringement.

Throughout his military and political career, his armies fought many battles with crusaders who got lost on the way to the Holy Land. After he destroyed all of these crusaders with his armies of Scottish mameluke, he retired to Eppircunney-on-hill to rule his domain. He made Eppircunney-on-hill the land's capital, which it still is today.

Under Saladin's rule, Scotland's scientific community flourished, causing it to be the greatest in Europe at the time. Many innovative agricultural technologies were introduced, like sheep.

All in all, Saladin's rule was fantastically beneficial for Scotland. During the time he was Caliph, no one got sick or died. Everyone had millions of Scottish dollars in his or her pocket. The Scottish National Croquet team won every tourney they joined. It was truly the golden age of the Scots.

When Saladin died, he was buried beside his wife, who had died three years before. His grave can now be visited today in Pern-on-Dunneyhine, which is fourteen miles south of Pillborough. Visit today! Scotland welcomes you! Just say Saladin sent you.